Dear Sir I have just received the AIDS leaflet through my door and would like to apply straight away for AIDS. I have been on the dole for the past ten years and have been living on Supplementary Benefit and every other State Aid I could get. It now seems I will be getting aid for sex. It's a pity AIDS has come so late as I already have 15 children and wondered if you will be making back payments. Your leaflet states that the more sex I have the more the chances I have of getting AIDS. My onlyproblem here is persuading my wife, who is not so keen after 15 kids. several years agao I bought some sex aids but she showed little interest and they were hardly used. Would there be any chance of a refund for the $17.28 I paid out for these gadgets? Anyway, I will now explain to her that the Government will now be paying us for all the sex we have and I am sure she will agree that we cannot let a chance like this slip by. You also state that I can pass my AIDS on, but as I am sure you will understand with a wife and 15 kids there won't be much left to pass on. If by any chance there is a bit left i will pass this onto my poor old mother-in-law who only has the pension. I understand from your leaflet that I can get AIDS through a blood transfusion and I intend to write to my local hospital staright away to see if I can have one. Will the AIDS I get from the hospital be deducted from the AIDS I get from you? Perhaps you will write and let me know. I am a firm believer in getting every aid from the country I can get and I'm sure you'll agree that by my past performance I do qualify for this one. Would you let me know how much I will get paid each tim, and will it be weekly or monthly paiments? Yours Faithfully SHAMUS O'TOOLE PS Your advert is great, I certainly won't die of ignorance, I know my rights!