Why Cucumbers are Better than Men
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 1. A cucumber won't tell you that the size doesn't matter.
 2. A cucumber won't need to be sucked off.
 3. A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
 4. A cucumber won't lie to you about having a vasectomy.
 5. A cucumber won't want to come on your face.
 6. A cucumber won't fall asleep too soon.
 7. A cucumber won't fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow.
 8. A cucumber won't make you sleep on the wet spot.
 9. A cucumber won't grab cash from your purse while you're asleep.
10. A cucumber won't come home late, stinking of beer.
11. A cucumber won't run off with a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
12. A cucumber doesn't care if you make more money than he does.
13. A cucumber doesn't say, "Let's keep trying until we have a boy."
14. A cucumber can stay up all night.
15. A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
16. Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.
17. With a cucumber, a toilet seat is always the way you left it.
18. You won't find out that a cucumber is : married,
                                            on penicillin,
                                            trying to fuck your sister, or
                                            likes you, but loves your brother.