THE DRINKERS FAULT FINDING CHART@@ MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM @@ [ SYMPTOM B FAULT ? REMEDIAL ACTION@@ [ [ =AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA>@@ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ Drinking fails to give BMouth not open while B Buy another pint and practise@@ [ [ satisfaction and taste; Bdrinking or glass B in front of a mirror. Drink@@ [ [ shirt front wet. Bbeing applied to B as many as necessary until@@ [ [ Bwrong part of face. B drinking technique is perfect@@ [ [ =AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA>@@ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ Drinking fails to give BGlass empty. B Find someone who will buy you@@ [ [ satisfaction and taste; B B another pint.@@ [ [ beer unusually pale and B B@@ [ [ clear. B B@@ [ [ =AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA>@@ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ Feet cold and wet. BGlass being held at B Turn glass the other way up@@ [ [ Bincorrect angle B so that the open end is@@ [ [ B B pointing toward the ceiling.@@ [ [ =AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA>@@ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ Feet WARM and wet. BIncorrect bladder B Go and stand next to the@@ [ [ Bcontrol B nearest dog, after a while@@ [ [ B B complain to the owner about@@ [ [ B B the lack of house training.@@ [ [ B B DEMAND a drink as@@ [ [ B B compensation@@ [ [ =AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA>@@ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ Bar blurred BYou are looking B Find someone who will buy you@@ [ [ Bthrough the bottom B another pint.@@ [ [ Bof your glass. B@@ [ [ =AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA>@@ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ Bar swaying BAir turbulence is B Insert broom handle down back@@ [ [ Bextremely high - B of jacket.@@ [ [ Bmay be due to a darts B@@ [ [ Bmatch in progress. B@@ [ [ =AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA @@ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ Bar moving BYou are being carried B Find out if you're being@@ [ [ Bout. B taken to another pub - If not@@ [ [ B B complain loudly that you're@@ [ [ B B being ambushed by the@@ [ [ B B Salvation Army.@@ [ [ =AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA>@@ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ You notice that the wall BYou have fallen over. B If your glass if full, and@@ [ [ opposite is covered with B B no-one is standing on your@@ [ [ ceiling tiles and has a B B arm, stay put, if not get@@ [ [ flourescent light across B B someone to help you to the@@ [ [ it. B B bar.@@ [ [ =AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA>@@ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ Everything has gone dim, B You have fallen over B See above.@@ [ [ you have a mouthful of B forwards. B@@ [ [ dog-ends and broken teethB B@@ [ [ =AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA>@@ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ Everything has gone dark.B The pub is closing. B P A N I C ! ! !@@ [ [ =AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA>@@ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ You have woken up to findB You have spent the B Check your watch to see if it@@ [ [ your bed hard, cold, and B night in the gutter. B is opening time, if not treat@@ [ [ wet - you cannot see yourB B yourself to a 'lie-in.'@@ [ [ bedroom walls or ceiling.B B@@ [ [