GENESIS RE-WRITTEN ================== And in the beginning there was only God. And on the first day He created oven chips for He was a little peckish. And he was glad, for his oven chips contained 40% less fat. And on the second day, he created the earth with all its seas, land and animals. But he did not like the earth so he also invented tornadoes, tidal waves, famine, volcanoes, disease, pestilence and Butlins Holiday Camps. And on the third day he invented man. And on the fourth day he created the Bic biro, and he put a small hole in the side of this writing implement to confuse all who use it. And on the fifth day he was doodling but his pen did not work. And the Lord was angry and he sought great vengeance upon humanity. And so, upon the sixth day, God decided to be a real pain in the heavens and created Travellers' Fare, APL, foreign languages, parking meters and , as a final piece of evilness, ANALYSIS. And God was so happy, he got pissed. And on the seventh day, God slept, had a hangover and drank Alka - Seltzer. AMEN