Fresher's Talk (2nd edition)            Laurence Renshaw

 ...weren't you up for interviews at the same time as me oh maybe that was
someone else then I didn't know what was going on and my first interview
was with Dr Bastard that was awful I didn't know anything he asked me no
nothing at all my mind just went blank and when he asked me the question
about the potatoes I didn't know what he was going on about did he ask you
that too I don't think anyone understood it I don't think we were supposed
to but the interview with Dr Scum was much better he just talked about the
cricket and what school I went to no I don't think the tie helped at all
but he was wearing one exactly the same then he told me how I'd done in the
entrance exam and said I was probably in even though I'm quite thick really
what did you say your name was anyway the tutors are quite different once
you're actually here aren't they one might almost call them nearly friendly
part of the time you know what did you think of the exams  I was amazed at
how difficult they were but I managed to do all of the questions o.k. did
you do number five on paper 2 I think it was about elephants or box-girder
bridges or something .. yes that's the one I didn't finish it but I think
they were impressed at the way I told them what a load of shit-heads they
were instead of answering the question where are you living my room's tiny
you must come up for coffee sometime but at least it's got a lounge and
bathroom en suite do you want another glass of cheap sherry what did you
say you did during the summer I spent three months in India with oxfam I
didn't like that much all those starving nig-nogs still it makes you
realise just how lucky we all are in this country doesn't it I'm sorry I
can't remember what your name is never mind I'll see you around sometime I
must just go over there and talk to her I think she's doing my subject or
is she doing something else I can't remember this is a great party isn't it
... oh hello what's your name I'm doing ........................