REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T WRITE SPECS ================================== - Real programmers don't write specs -- Users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get. - Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read. - Real programmers don't write application programs, they pro- gram right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming. - Real programmers don't eat quiche. They eat twinkies, and szechevan food. - Real programmers don't write in Cobol. Cobol is for wimpy application programmers. - Real programmers programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in only a few 30-hours debugging sessions. - Real programmers don't write in Fortran. Fortran is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. - Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 am, it's because they were up all night. - Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no program- mers write in BASIC, after the age of 12. - Real programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for program- mers who can't decide wether to write in Cobol or Fortran. - Real programmers don't write in APL. Any fool can be abscure in APL. - Real programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires you to change clothes. Mounting climbing is OK, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room. - Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object deck. - Real programmers don't write in Pascal, or Bliss, or Ada, or any of those pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories. - Real programmers know better than the users what they need. - Real programmers think structured programming is a communist plot. - Real programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for man- ager's toadies. Real programmers like to keep their manager in suspense. - Real programmers think better when playing adventure. And now a local one: - Real programmers don't write in PLEX. Actually, no program- mers write in PLEX, if they don't work at Ericsson. Some more insults: C programmers are the ones that come to you saying: "can you guess what this code does?" Apl programmers come to you saying: "please can you tell me what this code does"