Private Eye.
                             ------------

"Spanner the name,Dick Spanner; Some people say I am a bit of a tool
 or that I turn nuts once in a while.But I am the best detective in this town."
"It was a quiet Monday when she walked into the office,said she had something
 to get off her chest."
"By the look of things I decided this might take a while."
"The story was that her man had been jailed, innocent for the 'Great Condom
 Robbery'; the police said they were looking for a sex crazed mad man,
 he fitted the bill."
"He had to juding by his wife."
 "I took the case,I needed the money."

"I decided to hang out in the bar,keep my ear to the ground; after being
 stood on a couple of times,I thought it best to sit at the bar."
 " 'Hit me' I said to the barman,he smacked me across the face."
"After two painful hours I found that the word on the street was that it
 had been a gang job;I desided to check out the factory,the scene of the
 crime."
"When I arrived the guard told me that the police had come and gone and the
 cleaners where in.I figured it had to have been an inside job.So I slipped
 the guard a ten for infomation; a smack in the mouth seemed to get better
 results."
 "He said it was the Penthouse brothers with Fingers Playboy and Dirty
 Mack."

 "As I left I ran into the Cheif of police,he chewed me out ( It took
 weeks to get the saliva out of my coat);he was not too pleased with my
 interfernce and he said he had a warrant for my arrest.I told him there to
 stick it and was force to demonstrate."

 "I decided I had to find the gang hidout. It wasn't hard (not yet anyway),I
 just followed the 3 foot high neon sign saying
   '1/2 price Mates for sale. all tested personally'."
"It led to a warehouse on 42nd and 6th ."
"I pulled my 45 (and a nice date) and crashed in."
"There was a gun battle and the place got shot up.Just then the police turned
 up.And the full story was told."
"The gang had planned to corner the condom market and then make their profit
 by inflating their prices."

"So the bad guys where jailed,the guy got the girl and I got my fee and a
 warehouse full of Mates."

  "Cheap price contraception anyone??"