Q  What tool do you use to debug a transputer?
     A  A hammer.

     Q  What did the big transputer say to the little transputer?
     A  Nothing; they were deadlocked.

     Q  What do you call long hair on a transputer?
     A  Dreadlocks.

     Q  What has four links and flies?
     A  A transputer bug.

     Q  How many occam programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
     A  You mean, of course, `how many lightbulbs can an occam
        programmer change at once?'

     Q  How many C programmers does it take to run a 16-bit transputer?
     A  65537: one to write the program, and 65536 to keep a watch on
        each separate memory location.

     a  What is the difference between a transputer and a post box?
     b  I don't know, what is the difference between a transputer
        and a post box?
     a  Well, I'm not going to ask you to pass my messages on then.

     Q  What do you get if you cross a fruit loaf with a working network
        of transputers?
     A  Concurrent buns.

     Q  What is the difference between the Channel Tunnel and a transputer?
     A  They both send things across a channel, but the transputer doesn't
        like running under C.

1st Transputer: Have you hear about the new topology-independent, deadlock-
                free communications harness?
2nd Transputer: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
                . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
                . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
                . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
                . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . yes

Q. What's the similarity between a dung-beetle and a transputer?
A. They're both crap processors.